"On Needing A Dump in ASDA."

Halfway up aisle twenty three
My bowels first signalled their intent
And I was stuck with a full trolley
Waiting for my wife to circumvent
The store.
She was looking for Lenor.

In pain, I crossed my shaking legs
And prayed to see my love
I should not have had those scrambled eggs
For now I touched the cloth.
The loo.
I really need a poo.

Some minutes passed, the pain it grew
I wished that I were dead.
And all I wanted was a loo
To wash my turtle’s head.
My life!
Where is my fucking wife?

And then a miracle occurred
My love returned to me
And I ran off to have my turd
In silent ecstasy.
But there was no fucking paper
So I had to put up with a claggy arse round the rest of the fucking
store until I was able to buy some fucking Handy Andies at the till and
subtly disappear back into the cubicles to wipe my shitty bum.